Wednesday, August 11, 2004 :::
 

I'm Telling Them My Name is Mendoza

The U.S. government has allocated $250 million for health care for Mexican illegals. The program works on a don’t ask/don’t tell policy. So if you are an illegal and you go to the emergency room you will not be asked if you have health insurance and you will receive full health care.
U.S. citizens, on the other hand, will be asked for health care information, and if you don’t have any, well the hospital doesn’t even have to help you. In fact they can direct you to another hospital or turn you away all together.
I thought George Bush was our president. Maybe Vincente Fox is, we just haven’t been told yet.

::: posted by bite me, kick me, make me scream at 8:43 AM

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 :::
 

Leave Anal Sex to Gay Men
Butt sex is quite fashionable these days. But why? Vigorous thrusting can easily tear the wall between the vagina and the poop chute. Then you have a fissure. Doctors can try to stitch the fissure closed but it’s not often successful. So you have a hole and through this hole the poop escapes into your vagina. Wow! Now that’s a good thing.

On a recent call-in sex show, a female college student from Michigan asked the host if it was okay to perform oral sex on her boyfriend after they just had unprotected anal sex. Hmm.
I should develop CaCa lipstick. I’d sell a million tubes.

Bald Pussy

There is a mad rush for women to remove the bush. They shave; some do the Brazilian wax. Now this could make sense if you lived in a country where santitary conditions weren’t the best and crabs were prevalent. It’s the prepubescent look. Do we really want to encourage men to desire 12-year-old pussy?

If one more 21-year-old tells me they feel old, I will slap them. WAKE UP!

::: posted by bite me, kick me, make me scream at 6:34 AM

Monday, August 09, 2004 :::
 

December 22, 1980, The Grand Poobah of the most developed superpower in the modern world met with his Great Council. Two hours later, after much discussion regarding the corporate/capitalist nation which the country had become, the Secretary of All Things Major woke up the Grand Poobah to tell him of their plan. The Grand Poobah opened his eyes, bobbled his head, and said “Mommy. Mommy. Where am I?” The Secretary told him this wife, whom he liked to call “mommy” was asleep in George Washington’s bed in the East Wing, and he (the Grand Poobah) could join her as soon as he said “yes” and signed a paper.
The Grand Poobah grinned his western smile and asked if he needed to know what he was signing.
“No. Not really.” replied the Secretary. “We just want to begin to instrument our plan to usurp the middle class because we need slaves who will be willing to work in corporations and not question too much, go with the status quo. We will give them presents like mugs, and incentives of shopping coupons, and corporate-sponsored music.
We will start by undermining their health. We will make ketchup a vegetable on the school lunches…saves money too so we have more funds for wars. Then we will slowly take away art programs, and diminish physical education to a few times a week instead of everyday. And, most importantly, we will do some behavior mod by highlighting self esteem and the prestige of consumerism instead of giving them a real education in the basics like reading, writing, math, science, culture and history. We don’t want smart people. Look at all of the trouble those well-educated hippies from the 60s caused this country! No. We need to create an underclass, under educated and compliant. If they become depressed, we will give them drugs.
“Okay. It that it?” asked the Grand Poobah, his eyes half closed.
“One more thing…” said the secretary. “All of this will take some time. We don’t want to alarm or alert the population to what we are doing, and since we need this to happen at a quick pace (the corporations are demanding higher profits NOW) we are opening our border to the south. We will pretend we have an immigration policy, while we are really building an underclass from the Hispanic countries. We merely need to show the Latinos the value of working and shopping and they will gladly join us. Since Americans have already been taught to help those who are underprivileged (and we will continue to work that whole politically correct concept) there shouldn’t be much of a backlash toward the immigrants.
Then, when the timing is right, (we could start a war as a distraction…later, after the millennium, for now we’ll make the 90s about SEX…sex chat, sex on primetime tv, XXX porn…make everything X…xtreme sports, x games, xbox) we will take away the high-paying jobs from our countrymen (and women) and give them to people in other parts of the world. We will call this our global economy. We will tell them that it is important that the world become strong and become one. In the meantime we will get our people to train the people from other countries to do their jobs. And we can even say that the person will lose their job once they have thoroughly trained the “replacement.” Again there shouldn’t be a revolution, not even a peep, about our intentions because starting right now, in the year nineteen hundred and eighty, our corporate friends will give the people credit cards to consume (to buy the corporate products), and when they run out of credit on one card we will give them more and more and more (that will last through a few more presidential terms). We will make everyone “feel” rich, then, aha! We pull the rug out from under them. The immigrant workers will be given full rights to take American jobs, the other jobs will have been outsourced to other countries, and being the kind government we are, we will offer the people relief via bankruptcy. Then they are done, cooked. They will be down at the bottom, willing to take any job. We will have our slave class. The middle class will be a thing only mentioned in history books that they won’t even be able to read.”
The Secretary shook the snoring Grand Poobah. “Here’s your Presidential pen.” The Grand Poobah stood up, signed the paper, and toddled off to bed.

::: posted by bite me, kick me, make me scream at 10:18 PM